so ive begun to realize what you choose to remain blind too. you like to be where the party is, where the people are, where you’ll be popular. i want to be with 2-3 people who i know have got my back. i go out of my way to be with those people, and you wait for people to be doing something exciting to be with them. we’re not what you say, what you call us. soon we’ll be nothing, and i doubt itll even matter.
time to wake up
every day up by 9. every morning on my computer looking searching applying. every afternoon saying “Hi, how may I help you today?” But you know what? Its worth it. Every fucking day of this shit brings me closer to building freaking sky scrapers, building bridges, and best of all that big fat pay check that comes with it (sorry but having fun with my jobs pointless if im not makin money too!!) Workin to keep myself in college, not a problem. paying insurance and phone bills. DONE. Need me to cover groceries too? NOT A FUCKING PROBLEM!!! I’ve got shit sorted. I WILL be an civil engineer, I WILL graduate, and I WILL make something of myself. Throw all the demons in hell at me, it wont matter, ill slay ‘em all. NOTHING is gonna stand in my way. NOTHING is gonna end my future.
i just realized the big difference between you and me. id rather be with the people im closest to and know i can talk to and just chill with. youd rather know you’re popular and go out every night. ya it can be fun, but its only truly fun with the right people, and ill only be partying with the right people!
the person that wrote this is a moron. ive done EVERY ONE of those things for a girl. when i like someone i can tell you exactly what they look like, what movies they like, books they ready, classes they enjoy/hate, food/music tastes. EVERYTHING about them. when i like a girl i go over the moon for them. the reason you’re so complicated is because you dont know what you want, but we do, or at least we realize it before you. dont tell my you’re complicated because you care for guys more than they care for you, because we do a hell of a lot more for girls then girls do for guys. we take you out on big romantic dinners under the moon, take you on small vacations. we buy you jewelry that cost hundreds of dolars, and then think its the greatest thing ever when you get us that $60 video game. now please. tell me whose more invested, who truly cares more. my actions show that i care a hell of a lot more than any girl thats ever dated any guy i know. because they are girls and feel entitled to the expensive shit we give them. but no, its because i care a hell of a lot, and you dont see it. THAT is why its complicated.
What a mess ive made. the one thing i truly believe on is gone. two YEARS. thats the cost of my mistake, of my stupidity. i lose two god damn years of my life trying to get back in, to be a part of something i believe in. to become the man i want to be. god im a fool. what is wrong with me?
